Dealing with my past!
I know you must deal with your pain and the more you feel and release,the more you will start to heal.You will heal as much as you put the work into it.Believe me,deep down it is not your fault;no matter what the actions were that led up to the rape,you need to know and accept there is nothing that justifies rape and you didn't do anything to deserve it. When it looks impossible and you don't see a way out, please stay focused and positive,knowing that God's hands are always there. He loves you and he really cares.I didn't realized how much pain I had inside until I started crying out to God.I found myself getting so upset at the world and it was me.I wasn't happy with myself and couldn't deal with the pain any more.But my God has the ability to wipe away all the hurt;I mean really wipe away everything.He can heal and he cares.So please give it to him today and let him heal you as well. I was so bitter,angry and depressed.I felt my dreams were ripping apart.The hopes I had were torn and I didn't care anymore.I was looking for love in all the wrong places.It was very hard and difficult to maintain a relationship.I felt like I needed that guy to heal me,but all I needed was God's love.Then I would get a baby and that didn't fix the problem at all.I learned what I went through was to help heal others.I will not hold on to past mistakes or allow them to keep me from who I was created to be. I learned that one has two options:deal with them head-on or run from them.The problem is when you run,your demons become your nightmares and you can never outrun your nightmares,so it is best to try and deal with your emotions head-on instead of trying to outrun something you can't.When you get raped you suffer sexual attacks;you are frightened,guilty,powerless,angry,ashamed,depressed,numb and lack self-confidence.No one wants to be raped;no one deserves to be raped.Being raped or sexually assaulted is a very distressing,experience with effects that can be long lasting.Rape is a crime of power,domination and control that uses sex.Rape is not only a crime in the legal sense but also an evil in God's eyes. Psalm 46:1 says,"God is our refuge and strength,a very present help in trouble. Take God's promises to heart many times each day.Every time you remember,every time you struggle,every time you feel that your heart is breaking under the weight of what happened to you,ask God to help you.When we give God all our problems,he works it out for our good.God knows your pain and he is strong enough to remove any burden.Trials do have a purpose.It's up to us to stand and praise our way out of it and it's not going to be easy.But you can come out with victory.I believe God made us exactly the way he wanted and he equipped us with everything we needed to live.My late grandmother was a praying lady and she got me some help.We prayed and I started reading my Bible,writing letters to God.I was young when I got molested.The guy would point to my body parts,asking me did I know what it was.At this time,I was very scared and nervous.Then he would say,"You're so pretty.Too bad you're not old enough."I really didn't understand what was going on. I guess he was drunk.I was touched in places I didn't like.But I was too scared to say anything.It was so much pain inside and I wanted to die.I was a young girl getting hurt by a sick man. God bless and the best is yet to come.
Melissa L. Bryant