Facing my past!
I experienced verbal,physical and emotional abuse that has left me scarred,hardened and lacking in self-worth.I just wanted to be in the arms of a great man.I had one before who tried so hard to love me.But the pain I was carrying pushed him away.I really didn't know how to love him back because of all the pain I went through.It took me so long to realized that God had a plan for my life.I had been in the storm too long.Thank you,Lord! I just want to say thank you,Lord! I give you all the praise. As I let go, God shows me the way.I will not hold on to this hurt and pain of my past anymore.I forgive you guys for what you did to me.No,I am not mad at you all anymore. I will not be easily offended and go to sleep,holding on to anger and frustration.I will start each day with a fresh new attitude.I forgive everybody who ever hurt me and caused so much pain in my life. I am not mad at you all anymore and I pray that you all change. I had to let go of the past and small issues in my life.Now that God is in my life.I will not allow any disrespect,unkindness or negative attitudes to grow in my heart and rob me off what God has planned for my life. God, give me strength and courage to take the first step in a new direction.God,you are in charge and I know that you are guiding me to the place where I will find the greatest peace,joy,love and fulfillment.So therefore I had to let go and give it to God.I was dealing with a lot of emotional issues.I kept having children.I was looking for love in all the wrong places.But every day of my life,I thank God for my children.I don't care what nobody say no means no.I will never forget what those guys did to me to try and mess up my life.As I was dealing with been raped and abused from the time I was 8 until 15. I thought it was over and I could start to heal. But I was wrong! It's like it was happening all over again.This guy was a good friend of the family.We went to the same church and everything.He came to visit me and the children one day. Everything was going great and I put the children to bed and my friends were still enjoying each other. At this time I had two.After I got them to bed everybody start leaving one by one.So I was cleaning up and he was like my ride will is going to be late. I said okay and by this time everybody had left.So were in the living room watching T.V. He easy over there by me and said I want you. I was like boy please I don't get down like that I have a boyfriend.He just start acting crazy,I was like you need to leave. But it hit me so hard and I was fighting back.He was too strong for me.I start crying saying please don't. My children are in the other room. But he wouldn't stop.I trusted him and I didn't know he was going to rape me.I told him,"No,please stop,"but he didn't. All I could do was lay there and cry while this guy who was a friend rape me while my children were in the other room sleep.After he did what he did he said I'm sorry and ran out the house.I ran and lock the door and call my God brother and told him what happen.He said call the police and I'm on the way. When I call the police do you know what they said to me.What's his social security number is. I was like are you serious this dude just rape and you asking me so junk like that.By that time my god brother came and got the phone and told them to send help because I was rape with bruises all over me.He call my boyfriend at that time to tell him what happen.Two weeks later I am sick and throwing up all over the place. I call my boyfriend and told him and he brought a pregnancy test. Guess what I am pregnant and I am scared because I felt like the guy who rape me was the father.I couldn't handle it. My boyfriend was Like I will give you some money to have an abortion and I cried because I didn't want to do that. So my god sister came over and watch the children. I never been to a place like this before.I found the place and peoples were everywhere protesting against abortion.I was like you don't know what I've been through and I have to do this. But my God say other wise.I went in the building and peed in the cup.They said yelp you're pregnant and they did an ultrasound and I felt my baby kick.They said would have too go to another city for two day surgery.But I told them I can't do this and they said okay but you have so many days to let us know.I was like okay!So I went in the office and don't the lady I couldn't do it and she said good because I was praying for you when you walked in the door. She gave me her and number and said if you need anything call me.That was God do you hear me.When I walk out the door I told them peoples I couldn't do it and my story.They gave me so much love and their number to call them when I have this baby.Once again that's God.I cried all the way home and I told my boyfriend I can't do it.He was like okay don't worry we will raise the baby together and say it his.When I had my son he came out looking like my boyfriend.But till this day I really don't whose the father.I couldn't deal with this pregnancy and I was depressed and I put all that on my child. Yes I was hurting.But God is amazing.When the guy who rape me say I was pregnant he start harassing me saying that's my child.I want to be apart of it.I start running because I couldn't deal with that.Today my son is 20 and he know the truth but I still don't know who the father is and I don't want to know.But my son knows the truth and he said he don't want to take the test.He's cool and God gets the glory because we went through a lot my son tried to kill himself five times because of his father hurt me.I had to save my son and letting him no I love him and god has a purpose for his life.To this day he humble and amazing and we talk about our story. God gets the glory because I couldn't have made it.Do you hear me? I am still here in my right mind.I pray that this blessed somebody today.God bless you and the best is yet to come.

Melissa L. Bryant